As outlined in my ‘Note To Reader’ post I set a goal to share with you my readers the personal narrative that was the foundation of my published book – ‘A Journey Of Actual Death Experiences’. This is my first recount of my diary entries that I originally penned on; 05/04/2013 – so now four years later we will review and offer fresh perspective of my penned entry..
Originally Authored: 05/04/2013 [04:12 am] GMT
You can always tell when I am tired, as my handwriting is hit with the ‘doctors’ curse, the unreadable writing tightly nested together with spider-like looped words you just cant fathom out.
I don’t blame anyone for not being able to understand everything that has been going on in my life. It will take more than just a once over read to fully comprehend the events that have occurred as we are dealing with ‘two levels of consciousness,’ both levels openly interacting with each other.
The first level being the actual state of consciousness – the part of your mind that generates your ‘thought process;’ creating your every day general thought within your life, about life, how you deem others and yourself, and how you associate everything that is going on around you. The second level is the actual state of your higher conscious – the part of your mind that generates your ’emotional process;’ creating your every day general emotions within your life, about life – the feelings of love, hate anger, trust and distrust – etc.
How does the Higher Conscious Learn about Emotions?
The higher conscious is the ‘mind to your Spirit’ – your Spiritual mind. Every thought you have in relation to an important aspect in your life is teaching your higher conscious level, and thus in turn creates an ’emotion’ associated with a particular thought process. In thus – your emotions are created by your Spirit, – the energy within yourself.
If you meet someone, and enjoy being with that person and start making your thought process about that person – ‘thoughts of love.’ your higher conscious level generates the emotion of love – every time you think of that person. If your thought process about a certain individual/s is constantly negative, (bitterness and hatred) your higher conscious level generates the emotion of anger – every time you think of that individual/s.
The main difference about the two states of consciousness is that your higher conscious level can not change at a drop of a hat, it is an aspect of consciousness that learns through ‘being taught’ over a period of time, (For example: there are many different variations of love for different people in your life for different reasons). Whereas your thought process from the level of your consciousness ‘can’ change reasonably quickly. You can have thoughts of love for a person for weeks, months, years and then suddenly start to ‘change your mind’ about being in love.
When you do change your mind, the higher conscious being your Spiritual mind, (the mind of your Spirit) has to start ‘changing that energy – your Spirit.’ So eventually you will stop having the emotions of love when you are thinking about that person because your thought process has changed about him/her.
The first crucial aspect to acknowledge and understand for the events that have been occurring within my life is that 1) My Actual Death Experiences began in 1987 but from 1987 to August 1992, I was still able to live a very active normal life. 2) I did not suffer from any burning pain in my head. 3) I was able to have natural sleep, 4) and I wasn’t as light sensitive as I am now, 5) I could even listen to a radio without any problems or discomfort. Granted my ADEs during these years only occurred once every 3 to 4 months, thus giving me plenty of time to recover from an Actual Death Experience before another one happened.
Basically the main point being that during 1987 and August 1992, I didn’t have the constant physical side affects that I’ve endured since August 1992. Another aspect to my Actual Death Experiences that changed completely (from the morning I woke up of 1st September 1992) is that I started having ADEs weekly; sometimes I could even have 2 or 3 in any one week.
So the question is “What was happening in this sudden change?” and “What had caused it?” From the morning of September 1st, I was using my higher consciousness to function in my every day life – hence the burning heat, light and radio sensitivity, and the inability to produce the chemical for a natural sleep.
Our consciousness is always the primary conscious level – the thought always comes first. However, my Spiritual mind had now become my primary consciousness, so I would literary ‘feel’ my emotions before I even had the ability to have the natural thought of such. My normal consciousness level had been so damage by the assault on 31st August 1992 that it could not function. Imagine a fuse blowing the fuse box! I had suddenly regressed back to being a toddler. It is only thanks to my Actual Death Experiences that I am actually here today, as my Spiritual mind now had to teach my consciousness every memory and every emotion that I had ever experience since being 18 months old.
And it took twenty long horrendously painful years to finally get it all back again…..
End of Entry.
Four Years On …
We often don’t realise just how precious and delicate human life is. We don’t always act to how we know we truly should. We sometimes hurt other people without a second thought. We hate when in reality we should love, and if we can not love a certain aspect in life – then we should leave it alone. Of course it is important to have opinions, having opinions is what shapes us into the people we are today but you can have an opinion without needing to destroy another human being.
We can stand for justice and for what is right and wrong in the world that we exist in, but we do not have to use religion to express a hate for another religion or a community. We do not have to hate each other, or pretend we have to go to war for nothing more but the want of power and wealth.
We can expect punishment for those who hurt us or hurt others but we have laws that are there to divide what we want, and what we should have. We shouldn’t desire to punish those who perhaps once loved us, and then left our lives for whatever reason they simply no longer felt the same love for us as they once did. We should only seek to punish those who break the law but the law has to be fair and just. It can not and should not discriminate against a person for their sex, colour or sexual orientation. Every human being has the right to live a long, peaceful and prosperous life, just as every child has the right to food, shelter, warmth and love.
I have lived my life with a broken heart, a life lost to the shadows of time but the power of love brought me back again….. The power of love that we are all capable of giving healed my broken heart…..
Text From The Book
“I was made homeless. Forced onto the streets to find shelter in the cold, dark, uninviting doorways, my innocent children as babes in my arms were ripped away from my warm and tender embrace. I was forced to wander the streets without any food, money or my personal belongings.
I lost my right as a woman, and as a young mother. I lost my right to be protected by the British law. I lost my right to exist as a human being. I became a faceless ghost amidst a harrowing reality of man’s lack of consciousness for life. I became an existence without a voice.
Why did this happen to me? Why did I suddenly find myself living in the shadows of life? Why had my reality so suddenly become a festering world of judgement and abandonment?
While all along, I was cradling the flickering light of my irregular heartbeat gasping for life!”